pls. nobody ever washes her face for 5 mins.

she was so rough until i tore my t-shirt.
well at least i think i heard it split.
luckily i decided to wear an old shirt today.
i guess that's better than anything i've got in sec 2.
sigh. i think im used to it anyway.
but i hardly want to relive it.

i've learnt to control my temper alot.
but it just irks me how she takes it out on others.
as in she was pissed at me. and then after that she got pissed at everybody cos of her sour mood.
do you get me.

i intended to ask her to help me with homework.
but i guess now my mood's just gone.
it's just so sad isnt it.

i really do want to let everything out.
haha. i think i've learnt anger management.
everytime im really really fuming,
i imagine myself smashing a cup onto the floor.
it sort of calms me down really.
now come to think of it, i wonder if i really would do it.
i wouldnt bear to ruin anything.
ha. like me wanting to tear up my compo.
and in the end, i just chicken out.
it would be nice for just that moment.
but i would just regret it. cos it was my work no matter what.
i think i think too much ahead.

school and home is like heaven and hell respectively.
funny isnt it. you'd think it would be the other way round.
but i always seem to be able to forget all my troubles when i get to school.
it's just hardly me to bring my emotions from home to school.
but then when i get back home,
it's just back to reality.
i know that i cant afford to worry myself over results in school.
cos if that happens, i'd be worrying myself the WHOLE DAY.
cos that is precisely what happens at home.
she can just make something that didnt seem so bad to me in the beginning seem like hell.
she never fails to make it sound like i cannot seem to achieve anything without her.
PSLE was her work, or so she claims.
and then after i get to secondary school and she lets me go
i cannot achieve anything.
everything's a failure to her.
and she naturally ignore's all that is good and focuses on the bad.
and the bad only.
and in the end, i dont get credit for anything.
nothing at all.
which really makes me think why im working so hard for.

hate and love are 2 opposite feelings.
but they just seem to survive together.

ha. in the begining of the year
she has been asking me why im not in the shang4 class.
why other people can get in but not me.
well. if you want an all-rounded kid,
go pick all the genes you want and create one yourself.

why do parents always look at other's good points.
and are only able to see their children negative side.
trying to make us improve. i know.
but at least dont make it sound like you would rather have them as your child.
as i said, if you really do think they are so perfect,
go adopt.

and you realise that a teaching method that is successful for a child,
might be a failure for another.
it's reverse psychology for me.
the more you want it from me, the more you wont get it.
stop thinking that your harshness would change anything.
yes it would change something.
but for the worse not the better.
it'll just make me rebellious

it's always *** **** this or *** **** that.
i've enough okay.
im sorry to say that im not as successful as your friend or my senior.
but if i am ever sucessful in anything,
im doing it for myself, not for you, and not to prove to anyone else.
i dont care what other's think
i know you do. and it's plainly for your own mian4 zi3

if i had a choice
i would have said no.
but unfortunately, i dont.
so now. i end up fufilling your unfufilled wishes rather than mine.